Things abouth my fucking life....

Si rasaritul era sangeriu,in acel moment as fi dat si luna de pe cer pentru o replica usturatoare...adevarul insa era crud ,cu fiecare moment trecut aerul parca nu mai vroia sa-mi intre pe gatej,plamani pulsau neincetat cautand gazul mentinator al vietii,insa nimic nu se schimba...secundele se transformau in minute si minutele-n ore.Ochii mei erau un rau curgator inrosindu-se puternic atestand durerea mea.Si apoi mi-am gasit salvarea...gandurile ,moartea ,rusinea dispretul si speranta ramanand la urma ...Afara sub cerul albastru inchis invesmantat cu milioane de stele un cocos prevesteste inceputul unei noi zile,insa pentru mine tot una ramane degeaba ma chinui sa ma linistesc ,sa par normala ,ca oamenii din jurul meu sa nu realizeze ca m-am schimbat total,stiu sigur ca totul va fi diferit de acum ,ca cele 3 ceasuri ale diavolului m-au metamorfozat complet...
In timpul acestei preschimbari bruste ,ceva din mine a fost lasat in urma ,mintea mea hoinarea de la un capat al universului la altul...imi doream sa fiu altceva,initial ideea de a fi o leguma imi placuse ,dar nu una comestibila nu-as fi suportat transformarile petrecute in urma unei digerari din stomacul unui individ ,ci una necomestibila ,poate un dovlegel ornamental plantat in gradina bunicii mele...disignul lor incanta zilnic ochii mei...
Apoi idea de a fi o stea imi placu si mai mult sa veghez ,sa analizez lumea pentru mine inseamna mult ...insa cu toate aceste "baliverne" erau doar niste ganduri proiectate de creierul meu pentru a ma impiedica sa intru intr-un colaps total..
Adevarul poate e prea simplu de mentionat dar el ma impins spre fapte nesabuite ,acum regretandu-le amarnic...pentru ca creeaza durere in inima familiei mele...
Si ma gandesc apoi ca poate pt membrii familiei sunt o pacoste ,ca viata lor fara mine ar fi fost mai buna ...si deodata ma izbi ideea ca sincuciderea ar fi o modalitate de scapare usoara...insa eu nu sunt o lasa ,poate ca sunt eu pesimista ,melancolica dar nu sunt o lasa...
Voi infrunta viata asa cum ia un toreador taurul de coarne ,ma voi lupta cu durerea si prejudecatile pentru a demonstra lumii ca sunt demna de numele pe care-l port ca sunt desteapta ,si ca unele momente in viata te definesc ,dandu-ti alura unui om matur ,chiar daca inca mai esti un copil...

Ode(in ancient meter)by Mihai Eminescu

I did't thought I will die someday
Allways young rolled-up in my cloak
Set-up my dreamy eyes to the solitude star...

When suddenly you rise in my way
Anguish you,painfully cute
And i drink the voluptuary death cesthrot death...

Miserable I burn to death grilled like Nessus
Or like Hercules poison of his coat
I can't rake out my fire with all water in the world.

Of my own dream,miserable I groan
On my own bonfire,I melt in fire
Can i lightly reborn from him like Phoenix?

Die my eyes disturbing from my path
Come again ,sad indifference
Than to die easy myself....Give me back to me...

Death is...

Torches wakefuless chill on the graves
A sound of bell in the holy hours...
A dream which softenig his voing in better
Otherwise you have passed of world's butt

Passed have you when the sky fat is clear
White revers of milk and light flowers
When the dark clotes look sombre still
Tour arow by the queen Moon.

I see you like a silver light shadow
With the wings ruled hight to the skys
Look-up,pale soul to the clotes shell
Throught the rain of shafts and snow of stars.

A shaft is takeing you,a song leads you
With white hands on the chest are put like rood.
The song of wizard sing and...
Water is like silver,and air like gold.

I see your candid soul throught space how goes
I look then to the left over clay...white and cold
With hes long coat lay in grave
I look to you'r smail remained...

And I ask my hurt soul of doubt
Why have you died angel with white face
You never be young ,you were only beautifol!
Why have you gone to turn off radios stars...

Maybe there are castels
With arches of gold build from stars
With rivers of fire and a bridge of gold
And cliffs of myrrh and singing flowers.

But I know..death is a chaos ..and sea of stars
When life is a slop of rebel dreams
Oh...death is an century with blossom suns
When life is a tale ugly and lonly...

Maybe the highter arch can broke
To fall the nothing with hes large night
To see the dark sky and his lights
Like glimpse spoil of eternal life..

Since then evrything is different
But you you'r worm breath still remain lost
And you'r speek is forever silent
I know theat you were an angel of clay...

The pray of a dac-men

When it was not death
nothing unmortal.
Neither the life-giveing pip
It was today,not tomorrow,not yesterday...not forever.
Because one was all,and all was one
While earth,the skys,the ether all the world
Were beyond those which never lived.
Since then you were alone
And now I'm asking myself:
Who is my Lord?

He is the only Lord which setends
in front of all Godds.
And from ocean of water
The Power above is with us.
He give's godds-soul ,and world-pace.
He is for humanity the source of salvation
Up you're hearts!Sing for him!

He is the end of death
and the birth of life!
And he give's me to see the daylight
And my heart was fulfilled with the
witchery of mercy.
In the sound of the wind
I heard hi's walk...

Chased away of world
by my years are passing
I will arrive back only when
my eyes are stop crying.
Then all human in the world...An enemy is born!
And I realize then:Theat i don't know myself anymore!
Then torture and pain pass-of
Then i curse my motherwhich i've loved .
When the cruel hate ,it feels like LOVE..
Then i will forget my pain...and die!

Outsider without laws
I wanna die then!
My reproachlul corps in the streets to throw it away!
And give to theat priest
Expensive mortuary corwn...
And ask him to beat the dogs..to pull-out my heart!

Again those which will throw
stones in my face
Have mercy,Lord,give them forever life...
Then only then,lord,I can thank you..

Appointment

I was talking abouth Pavels.
From suicide 'till fooling around again in you're eyes
I've remembered theat data:
The only women which desirve to get marred are
those we don't dare to propose..
You asked another Bombay(dink)
You embraced my confession and in a fool exultation
you decide to call me you're
Beloved friend!
Now I think is funny...But in theat moment I was sick!

We clash the glasses for Creedence and Sinatra
Theat night was so irrational.
Now after so long time sice our meeting,
I remember with nostalgia you're irony
The story faded eway in sepia color.

The books,the distance...so many bridges
To live means,gather which we never been.
.....Appointement which once define us...

Nameless

This sun which embrace me...is not real
I live in a capsule,protected by the wind
No meeting is possible if is not made in the name of death
Or,infront of the helpless twailight.
Dosen't exist a snach who could unstruk me,
from the torpor which temper the beats of the world..

I've tuch again each sector of my face....
with the single purpose to fool the wolves.
Is good this continent who protects me
Dosen't exist words and tracks who can tell me what I am!

Ceea ce e al tau

Sa simti ca te afli in casa,pe neasteptate,
gasindu-te cu surprindere norocos,
impacat cu ceea ce e al tau,fara dorinta de a scapa
spre un sud inexistent
catre o viata mai autentica.
Ceea ce conteaza este aici,alaturi de tine
iar restul nu e altceva
decat scenariul fragil al visurilor tale.
Si e bine sa ai vise,visele iti hranesc sufletul,
dar e bine si sa stii sa rasplatesti
fara nici o urama de amaraciune,
sa pretuiesti prezentul fiecarei zile
trupul pe care ti-l imbratisezi noapte de noapte
ocheada recunoscatoare a lucrurilor apropiate
cartile care ti-au deschis usi catre alte lumi
muzica care pastreaza memoria a ceea ce ai fost,
o ceasca de ceai cand ploua afara
si te gandesti ca in momentul asta
nimic nu ti-ar putea lua ce e al tau
aceasta pace cucerita cu usurinta
acest spatiu in care totul te cuprinde..